God designed women to be a nurturer, helpers (Genesis 2:18). Unfortunately, our nurturing spirit leaves us vulnerable and susceptible to heart-aches and heart-breaks. We easily and freely entrust our hearts to those who shouldn’t have it.
As a pastor’s wife, I often counsel women of all ages who are in relationships that are causing them tremendous emotional and spiritual pain. Some are dating unbelievers, others are dating professing Christian men. They all of one thing in common….they’ve given their hearts to men who have PROVEN to be incapable of treasuring their hearts.
Contrary to popular belief, we CAN help who we “fall” in love with. I know the world says you fall in love with who you fall in love with, but the Word teaches us different. Our loving Heavenly Father has given us clear instruction to help us avoid unnecessary pain from relationships He never wanted us to be involved in.
The Bible gives us practical instruction on how to date/court. So before we enter relationships with men, we must know what God says. If we obey the Word, it will prevent us from “falling” in love with the wrong person.
#1- Do not date unbelievers. I can’t stress this point enough. The excuses we have to justify why we are dating unbelievers are limitless. Often-times we as Christian women think we can win a guy over to Jesus, if we “let our light shine”, pray hard enough, bring him to church, etc. Sadly, when we enter into relationships with these men, they often influence us and we fall into sin, and sometimes away from church/God altogether. We under-estimate the power of temptation, and over-estimate our strength to withstand it. The Word is clear in 2 Corinthians 6:14-17, that believers should not enter into a relationship with someone who is not saved (unbeliever). There is no way to get around this. When we date unbelievers, we are disobeying God. And nothing good comes from living a disobedient life.
#2- Seek God first. This probably should’ve have been point number one. We may have head knowledge of what seeking God first means, but often fall short of living it out on a daily basis. When we put God first; His Kingdom, His will, His work, etc., then we won’t be so consumed with finding a man. The Lord must be our first pursuit. Living for Him, glorifying, and pleasing Him must be our focus. As we grow in intimacy with Jesus, the less we want to hurt His heart by being in an ungodly relationship with someone who doesn’t love Him (unbeliever), or who isn’t truly living for Him (professing Christian). When living for God is our main goal, we won’t get easily distracted by the flattery words of men. We won’t feel like we’re missing out on “life” because we don’t have a man, but rather our God-filled life would be truly satisfying. The Lord promises us that when we hunger and thirst for His righteousness, we will be satisfied. (Matthew 5:6)
#3- Pray for godly wisdom. There are many of us who love the Lord, live for Him, but still find ourselves in relationship after relationship. We’ve said many times that we think “he is the one”, only to have the relationship fail. What could be the cause? Well, may I suggest that we may be lacking Biblical, godly wisdom. Yes we pray, we go to church, but many of us don’t really know the Word like we ought too. We rely on our own wisdom, or worse the wisdom of people in the world, when deciding on whom to court/date. Often we think because a man is “in church” and profess to be a Christian, that it’s ok to enter into a relationship. But, there is much more required of a man than simply being saved and going to church. For example, the Bible teaches us that men ought to be leaders and be able to lead and teach their wives the Word (Ephesians 5:23,26). If we don’t know what God says a man should be, we will not know what to look for in a mate. Not only must we know the Word, but we must constantly pray for godly wisdom and discernment (James 1:5). We have a limited knowledge of a man based off what we see, but God knows the heart of men, therefore we ought to pray for Him to reveal the truth about a person, exposing his heart so we can know who he truly is.
We can’t be so quick to give men our heart, but rather be slow to entering relationships. IF it’s God’s will for you to be married, your future husband will line up with the Word. There will be no begging him to read the Word, or pray. No having to drag him to church. No emotional or spiritual turmoil. He will be on fire for the Lord, and will point you to Jesus.
My prayer is that we never fall in love with the wrong guy again ( including good Christian guys).