Bible Thinking Woman

5 Things Married and Single Women Have in Common

Single and married women have many things in common, yet I think both may have a false view of each other’s life, thinking one has it easier than the other. Singles may be tempted to think that married women have it easier because they have someone to help them “do life” with, help with the bills, cuddle up with at night, have date nights, and never have to be alone. Married women may think singles have it easier because they don’t have a spouse to take care of, “check with” when making decisions, are free to come and go, travel the world without hesitation, and don’t have to submit(dirty word for some) to anyone.

If we’re not careful, we can start to become envious, jealous, and start to develop a dislike for each other. We can begin to stir up discontentment in our hearts, and find ourselves dissatisfied with the life that God has blessed us with.

Instead of dwelling on what we don’t have in common, I want to focus our attention on those things we mutually share. The goal is for us to have a biblical perspective, so that we can prayerfully start relating to one another more compassionately, graciously, and lovingly.

Five things married and single women have in common Click To Tweet

Here are five things single and married women have in common.

#1- Struggle to be pure and holy.

Single women may think that marriage will solve all their sexual desires. Yet, sadly there are many marriages who suffer in the area of sexual fulfillment. Singles and married are both bombarded with and have to fight against worldly messages about sexuality. Pornography and lust are no respecters of relationship status, they affect both married and single women.

“How can a young man keep his way pure? By keeping it according to Your word” Psalms 119:9

“but like the Holy One who called you, be holy yourselves also in all your behavior; because it is written, “YOU SHALL BE HOLY, FOR I AM HOLY” 1 Peter 1:15-16

Married women have to remain pure for their husband, but more importantly for their Savior. Likewise, singles have to be pure for their husband-to-be (if marriage is in God’s plan) and the Savior. Both must constantly fill themselves up with the Word, guard their heart and mind, and fight for purity and holiness. Both must establish boundaries in their lives to safeguard themselves from falling into sexual immorality and emotional attachments with the opposite sex.

#2- Struggle with contentment.

Discontentment can creep into the hearts of both married and single women. Both can start desiring a life other than the one that God has given them. Both can find themselves secretly wanting to be with someone that God has given to someone else; another woman’s husband, job, car, house, etc. If left unchecked, our emotions, feelings, will rob us of our joy because we are so focused on what someone else has.

“Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am” Philippians 4:11

Our goal as Christian women is to live a life of gratitude and thanksgiving for all things the Lord has given us. Both married and singles must be intentional about cultivating a heart of contentment. Both have to refrain from grumbling and complaining about what they do not have. Both have to “rejoice in the Lord always, again I will say rejoice” Philippians 4:4.

#3- Struggle with temptation and sin.

Temptation haunts every Christian. Both married and singles must be cautious, alert, and vigilant to be able to fight temptation. There is a constant battle between the flesh and spirit.

“Keep watching and praying that you may not enter into temptation; the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak”Matthew 26:41

It’s imperative that we stay prayed up and proactive by establishing boundaries in our lives. We must be intentional about avoiding places, people and things that may cause us to stumble. Neither of us can afford to over-estimate our strength to withstand temptation.

#4- Struggle with loneliness.

Single women may think that once they get married, they will never experience loneliness. However, this is simply not true. As a wife of 14 years, I can attest that marriage does not solve loneliness. You can be married and still be lonely.

“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied” Matthew 5:6

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” Psalms 147:3

“Incline Your ear, O Lord, and answer me; For I am afflicted and needy” Psalms 86:1

Loneliness is an emotion that all people deal with, no matter their relationship status. The solution to loneliness is the Word and Jesus.

#5- Seeking to please and glorify God with our lives.

Every true Christian wants to live a life that is well-pleasing to the Lord. Regardless if we are married or single, the struggle to not love this world and the things in it, is common amongst all believers. We all must seek to do God’s will, to obey His Word, and to live a God-honoring life.

“I glorified You on the earth, having accomplished the work which You have given Me to do.” John 17:4

“Therefore we also have as our ambition, whether at home or absent, to be pleasing to Him” 2 Corinthians 5:9

May we unite as sisters in Christ and stir up one another to love and good works.

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6 Comments

  1. Seeking September 17, 2016 at 10:58 am

    If I could quickly interject my opinion, I believe some of the ‘dislike’ between married and single women stems from the fact that married women sometimes speak haughtily, or down to, single women. To be honest, I think there should be limitations on what married women should teach, or attempt to teach, single women, as it’s easy, especially when you’ve been married so long, to forget how it felt to be single. Many married women say things like: you don’t need a man, be content, God may not have a man for you, yet, they have a man, & obviously, like single women currently, had a desire to have a man. I do agree with the message of contentment & being satisfied in God, but on the other side, I do remember how I felt when I was unhappily single. I didn’t want a married woman telling me to be content, especially when I was hormonal, when she had a man lying next to her every night…whether he fulfilled her or not. So, what I’m saying is sometimes there are things that should stay between single women. But, I see no problem with married women teaching singles about not rushing into marriage because it’s not all that they think, or how to be good wives when or if the time does come, or maturing into the Christian women God wants them be, or how to be good mothers and keepers of the home, etc.

    Overall though, these are some good points you’ve pointed out.

    • Kesha Griffin September 17, 2016 at 2:18 pm

      Hi Seeking,
      Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts. I can understand how saying being content in singleness from a married woman might now be received well by a single woman.
      However, I can say the same thing for a married woman. Being content is a struggle that all Christians must fight with, and it’s not easy. Contentment is mandated in Scripture, and sharing this truth with singles is important. You mentioned married women shouldn’t mentioned “God may not have a man for you, yet, they have a man”. In response to that, not every woman will be married. The goal for single and married women is to be satisfied in Christ. You also mentioned you didn’t want married woman telling you to be content, especially when I was hormonal. Honestly, when I’m “hormonal” I may not want to hear certain things either. But my feelings, can’t dictate the truth. Finally, just because a woman is married and has a “man lying next to her every night” doesn’t mean she is content, or happy. This is why we must both strive for contentment and not compare each other’s lives. We all must remain humble, teachable, and seek counsel of godly women. It’s my prayer that we as sisters unite in Christ, learn from each other, and build one another up. Not have envy, division over marital status.

      Thanks again for sharing your thoughts:-)

  2. Seeking September 17, 2016 at 3:32 pm

    I should have clarified that part where I said, “Many married women say things like: you don’t need a man, be content, God may not have a man for you, yet, they have a man.” Yes, all aren’t going to be married. What I meant here is married women always saying (most of the time arrogantly) be content, you don’t “need” a man (no woman absolutely needs a man…we need God only), yet they have one & obviously “wanted” one. (The order of the wording, I admit, is off.) We all I know must be content. However, it is my belief that many married women no longer understand the single life, which is evident by the tone of many of things you (not you alone) say (via social media).

    Next you said: “You also mentioned you didn’t want married woman telling you to be content, especially when I was hormonal. Honestly, when I’m “hormonal” I may not want to hear certain things either. But my feelings, can’t dictate the truth. Finally, just because a woman is married and has a “man lying next to her every night” doesn’t mean she is content, or happy.” This hormonal, is not “regular” hormones. Even if a married woman isn’t totally content in life, she does have a “partner.”

    These comments by no means mean that I’m not teachable, or that other singles aren’t teachable, they simply express a truth I see rapidly spreading in the Christian community. We need unity, true, and that starts with everyone being understanding of others’ feelings.

    I am not, to be clear, an unhappy single woman seeking a mate, but a woman who’s been unhappily single and is no longer. I’m also a woman God had to set straight about looking back at single women who weren’t yet content & longed for husbands, wondering why they couldn’t just “get over it,” because God’s love is far greater.

    • Kesha Griffin September 17, 2016 at 3:53 pm

      Thanks for clarifying. Just to clarify, I’m not saying you personally are not teachable, notice I said we all (single and married) must remain teachable, and must be careful on not listening to the advice of someone based off their marital status. Both singles and married can learn from each other, like how to depend on God in times of loneliness, how to be content, how to live a godly life, etc. I personally don’t “look back” at single women, yet try to point them to Christ, for He is truly what we all should long for. To point them to Scripture. To encourage them to be content, not “just get over it”.

      I agree we as married Christians need to be mindful of our single sisters feelings, and I think, that singles can’t assume that married women are looking down on them. This is why I wrote the article to help us focus on what we have in common, and to prayerfully unify and uplift one another.

  3. Seeking September 17, 2016 at 3:36 pm

    One more time to be totally clear: I don’t condone sex outside of marriage… “hormonal” or not. That’s not what that part indicates. It’s simply referring to a fact of life…

  4. Seeking September 17, 2016 at 4:06 pm

    I’ve got it. Thanks for responding & for the intellectual dialogue.

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