Why are Pastors’ Wives So Lonely? was addressed in our previous blog for the “Pastors’ Wives Perspective” (PWP) series.
Loneliness is something most of us have dealt with, pastor’s wife or not.
Yet, there are experiences that are unique to a woman that is married to a pastor. Pastors’ wives have the privilege to help carry the burdens of a man called to shepherd and lead God’s sheep. This is no easy task.
Here are three things your pastor’s wife wish you knew.
1- I am a servant of God.
My role as “pastor’s wife” is not my identity. I am a woman saved by grace, through faith in Christ, who seeks to live a well-pleasing life for the Lord. I have the same goal as any true believer, which is to accomplish the will and work of God on this earth (John 17:4).
The truth is, pastors’ wives need encouragement. We need to be encouraged to love our husbands well, be godly mothers, and to fight the good fight of faith. We need to be reminded to trust in the Lord.Pastors’ wives need prayer, encouragement and to be built up. Click To Tweet
“Therefore encourage one another and build up one another, just as you also are doing.” 1 Thessalonians 5:11
Ministering and counseling with others is a great joy and privilege. Yet, pastors’ wives need to be ministered to. I cherish the “just checking on ya”, or “praying for ya” text message or call from sisters in my church. Knowing that my sisters in Christ are thinking about me and lifting me up in prayer is very comforting.
2- The pastor is my husband.
Pastors need private time with their family. I realize that pastors are seemingly “on-call” 24/7, however, no wife wants her husband to be at the beckon call of anyone (especially another woman, just saying, lol).
As with any marriage, quality time is important, therefore, allowing your pastor to have sacred time with his family is a must. My husband’s time should be respected. Before calling him late nights or when he is on vacation, put yourself in my (pastor’s wife) shoes. Is your question or counseling need important enough to interrupt the pastor’s family time? Is it a true emergency? Is there another godly sister or brother in Christ from the church that you can speak with?
If your pastor has a troubled family life/marriage, it will affect the church.
“ He must be one who manages his own household well, keeping his children under control with all dignity (but if a man does not know how to manage his own household, how will he take care of the church of God?),” 1 Timothy 3:4-5
I’m sure no church member would want their pastor to be an inattentive, unavailable, unloving husband. By setting appropriate boundaries, you help protect his family time, and you will help your pastor fulfill his biblical role as a husband (Ephesians 5:25-33).
3- More praying, less complaining.
Pastors have feelings. They hurt just like any other person. Yet, I often feel that church members forget that. Some of the most hurtful comments and behavior my husband has ever experienced, are from church members (aka, “church hurt”).
It may be a surprise to some, but oftentimes, pastor’s get more discouragement than encouragement from their church. Intentional or unintentional, here are ways members hurt their pastor:
- Harshly critiquing and criticizing his sermons, yet rarely, if ever, thank him for his labor in studying and delivering a biblical message each week.
- Comparing him to their “favorite” radio/tv/conference preacher. Uplifting and praising them more than their own shepherd.
- Not paying attention while he is preaching (on the phone or just not listening).
- Constantly complaining about what you don’t like or wish were different.
- Church members who don’t get along and are at odds with each other.
“Brethren, pray for us.” 1 Thessalonians 5:25
The Apostle Paul needed the prayers of his churches, and so does your pastor. Showering him with your prayers will be such a blessing to him.
There are other ways to encourage your pastor, so that he will serve the church with joy and not sorrow (Hebrews 13:17).
To learn how to appreciate your pastor, please read “7 Ways to Encourage Your Pastor” written by Kimberly Cummings of the Women’s Hope Project.
We all fall short of displaying the love of Christ to each other. My prayer is that we learn how to serve each other better.
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:32